Moving On

Some things just weren't meant to last. "A Work in Progress" was exactly that, a work in progress and a place for me to gather my thoughts while preparing for the launch of Go.BeAwesome.

If you've been a loyal reader, then your going to love Go.BeAwesome. If you're a new follower, thanks for checking me out, and I hope you stay with me!

Go.BeAwesome is my new site, I will no longer be posting at this address.

www.gobeawesome.ca

Finding Your Voice and Removing The Darkness

Have you ever met one of those people that by no one thing specifically, but with a general broad stroke bring you down, make you feel inferior or small? Maybe they shoot down your ideas, or present an alternative to your idea in such a way that instead of helping just makes you feel stupid? Maybe it’s their sarcasm or the blank stare as you speak to them that makes you feel incredibly judged or that what your saying is irrelevant.

How is it that some people have this kind of influence on us? How is it that as confident and secure people we can be impacted so negatively by these occasional (hopefully) interactions? Even more concerning is this; why is it that these are always the people we try the hardest to impress?

With varying degree, we are all seeking approval. We need people to agree with us to validate our choices, decisions or opinions. The worlds a scary place and we need some endorsements now and then to make sure we’re doing ok (no one is completely immune to this). On some level, when we seek approval, what we are actually doing is asking for permission to think, feel or do things a certain way.

Usually that encouragement/permission comes from those within our own tribe, who are people that share our way of thinking or have similar values and maybe even similar goals.

We can accept that there will be some that don’t see eye to eye with us. But it’s easy(ier) to defend your choices to someone “on the outside” of your tribe because push come to shove, you can agree to disagree. Your perspectives may be so different that arguing may just be moot, or perhaps entertaining at the very least.

But what do you do when someone on the “inside” of your tribe makes you feel like an idiot? Our tribes should be a circle of influence, but what do we do when that influence turns into intimidation?

You have to find your voice. Your voice is what’s inside you speaking on behalf of your internal compass. It’s your core. It’s what’s important to you and what you value most. It's the piece of you that still believes you are valid without someone else's approval. You are legitimate without having someone else's authorization. Your voice will remind you of how capable and deserving you are. Find it. Hold onto it.

People that walk around with negativity, judgment and use intimidation to control others have their own problems and impressing them isn’t worth the trouble or the stress it will cause you. Plus, changing your opinion or making choices only to please them will only make them look down on your further and their (negative) influence on you stronger.

I call these people the darkness.

I am convinced that I have a light to shine (as does everyone), something to say and something to share and I sometimes struggle with how to go about doing it. The last thing I need/want in my life is darkness taking over. No one needs that, or deserves that.

So I’ve learned to (and sometimes it’s worth re-learning) to recognize and then shut out the darkness when it shows up. Whether this person is within your tribe / circle of influence or not, if they are not adding value to your life, they are taking value away from it.

Find your voice. Ditch the darkness.

Creating A Small World After All; Without the Figurines or Roundelay

This week I've been in Toronto visiting friends and family in a big city that I used to call home. Arriving at Pearson International it isn't as much a giant international terminal as a familiar place where I catch a ride with my Dad back to my old neighbourhood where even though it's all very different now, nothing much has changed. The airport pick up is something so practiced that we don't even have to discuss a meeting point anymore. We've perfected timing the de-planing text message and the 'post A' pick up. It's as normal to my Dad and I now as it was when I knew exactly where he'd be to pick me up from school as a kid.

I don't create schedules and I rarely know where I'll be sleeping, but between 3 sisters, extended family and a city of friends, it all seems to work out in the end. Sometimes I forget I have to make sleeping arrangements and end up crashing on someones couch because it's too late to drive back to where I stayed the night previous.

When I hang out with friends, we pick up right where we left off 5-8 months ago and when we're done we say 'see ya later' like I'll be around again tomorrow. My family loves seeing me as I do them, I never over stay my welcome and leave before we have enough time to drive each other nuts.

When I'm in The Beach, I stop in at old favourites to catch up on email or do some writing. I walk the neighbourhood streets knowing exactly where the service is good, and who always burns their bagels. I know who charges for wi-fi and where it's offered for free but with a two hour limit.

While I was in town this time, I took the opportunity to go see an author I like speak. While I was there, I overheard a couple talking about their house in White Rock which is a sub-burb of Vancouver. They went into great detail to explain exactly where White Rock was and I was surprised for a moment that the person they were talking to had never heard of it. It took a second to register that I was in Toronto (not Vancouver) before the persons confusion made more sense to me.

The author we were listening to had a few photos on stage with him of his recent trip to Thailand where he did a photo shoot with some giant cats (not the house kept kind). I smiled at the familiarity of having just been to that part of the world and knowing exactly where that photo was taken.

Leaving the book store, I made a phone call to confirm having dinner with a friend of mine that was in town from Montreal. We tossed some restaurant ideas around and I loved that we both could have an opinion despite neither of us living here.

I've been very lucky to have had some of the opportunities that I have. I had parents that enjoyed travel and so I caught the bug early. I've lived in four major cities across Canada and got to explore some of it for the first time as a teenager road tripping with other teenagers when competing with my horses. This of course gave me some foundation applying for a job with professional riders that took me on the road to and from Florida every year. Following that, I had a corporate job that required extensive travel throughout the United States and as such, was able to see as much of the US as I could handle (and all on the company dime).

Even though the world is a very big place to explore, by exploring it, my world actually starts to get smaller. By exploring the big city, the whole city become my home. Then, new big cities became just as comfortable to me. I spread my wings to explore another end of my country, and after living in four major cities over the years, the traveling in between them has made an entire country feel as small as my backyard. The professional experiences I've had, be it driving a truck full of horses south on I-75 or picking up the tab for a magazine publisher after our lunch meeting in Dallas, have provided me with a sense of comfort and ability to adapt - wherever I am.

After experiencing the familiar feeling of knowing the place in Thailand where the authors photo was taken, I have found that as an adult, I have the same sense about the world as I did as a kid when I realized how much further my street goes after it curves at the end of my block.

My life so far has allowed my "world" in Canada to become a small place where I run into friends and family from coast to coast. I hope my world continues to get smaller and some day I can talk about my friends in Africa with the same fondness and familiarity as my next door neighbours. I hope that I concur any fear and anxiety of exploring new places by understanding that at one time, the street beyond my driveway was once overwhelming and to uncertain to venture upon.

The Sherman brothers had a catchy way of saying it...

There is just one moon, and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to ev’ryone
Though the mountains divide, and the oceans are wide
It’s a small world after all

Following Our Internal Compass

I was reminded recently of the necessity one needs to rely on the “internal compass” we all have. You know what that is, it's what's responsible for gut feelings and it's what gives us courage to head into the unknown. Too often we ignore the internal compass and get caught up in expectations or social standards, norms and status quo. A while ago, my mind's eye created a somewhat interesting depiction of the "path of life" in one of my regular attempts to make sense of my approach to life/goals/dreams etc. What I came up with was a bit of a cross between an episode of The Amazing Race and a game of Snakes’n’Ladders.

*Disclaimer: (it’s never good when you have to add a disclaimer) I want to point out that while I take one view on what path I want to take, I don’t by any means think the “Path of Life” path is wrong. I think many people are able to find happiness and be fulfilled on this path, but the truth is, many are not. My objective here is only to illustrate my belief in an alternative.

Path of Life theory:
Point A is the beginning, Point B being “Success”

I consider the beginning to be high school. Before that, our choices and ability to make choices are limited. At the beginning we stand (relatively clueless) at a trail head. There is a clear path well-marked and well-travelled. It’s a trail with clear signs, lots of other people on it and outhouses along the way ‘just in case’. There stands a sign that reads “This way to Success”.

The trail starts fairly easy but there are some ups and downs along the way. The good news is that they are the same ups and downs that everyone else will face so there’s bound to be lots of support and lots of people who understand your predicament. You’ll be perfectly safe.

Don’t worry about getting lost. There are milestones along the way for you to measure your rate of success, like little check points with envelopes that provide clues about the next destination. First you find your high school diploma. Yey! That one was easy, not far from the start, some rough terrain, you were overwhelmed by it at the beginning, but looking back, it wasn’t so bad. Right away, before we get to comfortable on the path, we’re given our first choice. You can either venture off the path towards adventure and a little bit of travel, or you can keep your eye on the ball and fast track to “Career”. Some of us that will chose a little travel and adventure here will get caught up in exploration forever deviating from the path, but most of us fall right back in line after a short stint in the unknown woods. For those that didn’t choose the adventure and fast track, we’re headed uphill to University. A few tough climbs, some life lessons later and you reach "University Degree". We spend a moment here wondering about that option back at the "High School Diploma" check point and wonder what it would have been like had we taken that chance for adventure. But we’re drawn back to the well-worn path for a few reasons: first, we’ve been told that this is the only route to reach our beloved “Success”, second, because chances are we would have gotten scared out in the woods without someone leading us and telling us exactly where to walk.

Back "on track”, we arrive at our first obstacle in a series of “Career” challenges. We work hard, apply what we learned in school, follow instruction and we are rewarded along the way with income, benefits and the security of our new “Career Path”. We truck along gathering bonus points and finding level warping tunnels in the form of holiday bonuses and promotions.

Whether your right in the middle of your career path, or maybe at varying cross roads, you come across “Marriage”. You collect that flag and move right on to take the “Family” route.

Many of these paths run parallel and close to one another, so many of us are able to jump across paths scoring a promotion on one path, take on the challenges the family trail has presented all while enjoying the brief mini-adventures of running free in the woods between paths.

With each passing year (sometimes faster, sometimes longer) you collect the flags as you approach the mile markers on the road to "Success".

Eventually, you get there. Congratulations, you’ve made through high school, spent X amount of years in University, got to see a bit of the world and had a little adventure while you got a job, and then another job. You got married, bought a house, had babies and managed to save enough money to retire happily. You’re here. Enjoy your success. All your friends are here, you all get to enjoy the same success since you’ve all travelled the same path. Way to go. Enjoy the party. (queue popped champagne and streamer cannons)

If that doesn’t sound right to you, you’re not the only one. What if you arrive at said “Success” and it’s not what you had envisioned? You followed the signs, went where you were supposed to.. but what the heck!? This isn’t what you had in mind at all. You never got to [INSERT ADVENTURE HERE] and you never went to [INSERT DREAM DESTINATION HERE] and you never got to [INSERT BUCKET LIST ITEM HERE]. Too late. You're at the end of your path. This game has no reset button.

Here’s my alternative. But buyer beware: the route to your own success is not easy. You can not follow the paths. You must hold a machete and bush whack your way through life. It’s a helluva lot more work and most of the time you feel lost. While you may come across the same milestones (Career, Love/Marriage, Family etc) you can not use these as mile markers to judge where you are on your route. There will be times when you fear you will never find success, but you must rely on your internal compass to guide you. Temptation to take the well-worn path will be great, but if it is your own custom designed success you crave, you must continue trailblazing.

Undoubtedly, your vision, dedication, perseverance and hard work will pay off and you will arrive at your destination. Be prepared though, there will be no party waiting for you. You will be the only one that knows you’ve attained what you so desired. The only reward you will have is that you did it.

People will not always agree with your choice to make your own path. They will not understand why you choose to in some cases, take the long way, or, in almost every case, the hard way. But you have to trust that the reward you seek is far greater than the criticism you face along the way.

That internal compass of ours is hard-wired to our destinies, but it alone will not get us there. We have only to follow it to our own success. When challenges arise, decisions need to be made, or you simply just feel lost, pay attention to your internal compass. It may not always be easy, but it will always point you in the right direction.

As per my disclaimer, I don't think that those following the "Path of Life" are miserable or unhappy and just don't know it. What I do think, is that there are too many people settling for being passengers in their lives because they either don't realize they have choices, or they are simply afraid of making them. Maybe question the path your on today...

Are you making your own choices? Or are you following the well-worn path?

A Legacy She'd Be Proud Of

One year ago yesterday, my relationship with my Mother changed forever. She died in Ontario surrounded by her family and the people she loved. I sat beside her and held her hand for hours until eventually, her time with us here, ended.

In the past few weeks, I've been thinking about this day and how exactly it would go, or more so, how it was supposed to go. Would I spend all day locked inside and weeping? Should I go somewhere private to remember her? I remember her every single day. I think of her every single day. January 9th would be no different in that sense, but I wasn't sure what I should prepare for.

A few strange realities over the holidays caught me off guard; her name kept being added to my mental list of gifts to buy and each time I had to remind myself that I didn't need to send a gift this year. I also panicked at the end of Christmas Day that amongst my focus and all the chaos of having 13 guests over for dinner, I had forgotten to call my Mom to say Merry Christmas. But hardest of all was the moment driving home on New Years Eve when I realized that one year ago that day, I had hugged my Mom, saw her smile and heard her say goodbye for the very last time.


The days in between Christmas and the anniversary of her passing, I can recall every move. It continues today as I remember the first morning I woke up beginning the experience of living a life without the woman who gave me mine. I struggled as January 9th crept closer and closer and I wasn't sure what I would be faced with or what I should be doing that day. I started writing a blog post about it a few days ago and it was very, very sad. I wrote about what my Mom meant to me, how close we were and how much I miss her. I wanted to write about her legacy and what she left behind. I was pages into the post before I had to stop. Partly because I could no longer see my work through my tears, and also because I just couldn't nail how to express just how special her legacy is. I left it unfinished and decided I would come back to it later when I was able to better articulate.

So January 9th arrived on schedule and I had made no "special" plans other than to meet up with a girlfriend for brunch. Without getting into details, I can say this friend is in a bad situation and really needs to find a way out. Trouble is, fear is controlling her right now and she's stuck. She's scared to move forward and scared to stay where she is, but if she doesn't act now, her situation will undoubtedly go from really bad to overwhelmingly worse. Part of the problem is that she's been convinced that she's powerless and she wouldn't be able to make a change even if she tried. We spent hours in that cafe talking about solutions and in the end, she left with a plan. More importantly, I think she has the courage to implement the plan.

Later that evening I met up with my BFF Kierstie (who I knew I would magnetically and universally be drawn to on this day). She asked how I was feeling and I honestly and truthfully told her I was feeling awesome! I was tingling with energy, I was jazzed from the inside out, I was smiling ear to ear, I was sunshine and rainbows! For no reason at all, a surge of emotion came over me and I was in the greatest of great mods. She just smiled and and non-chalantly with a bit of smirk said "yeah.. it's your mom."

I went on to explain what had happened earlier that day (in much more detail than I will divulge here). Knowing the details of the situation herself, she was surprised at our friends positive response and said "You may have changed her life today".

Now, I'm not sure about that, it'll be her own actions that change her life. But I did spend a good chunk of the day reminding her that she was beautiful, strong, capable, smart, that she had choices, that she was supported and that she was able make things better for herself.

Somewhere during our conversation back at that coffee shop my friend asked me "How did you get so smart?" and I told her "It's not smarts, it's what I believe. It's what my Mom made me believe".

In the end, I think she began to believe me and I hope she makes the choice to take action very soon. If it was in fact my advice or encouragement that made a difference, than I will have spent January 9th exactly the way I was supposed to.

My Mom was my biggest fan, my number one supporter and made darn sure that I new how loved I was. Yesterday, I made sure that someone else knows how strong she is, how beautiful she is, how in control she is of her own life and how brave she can be.

That's a legacy I think my Mom would be proud of having.

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A great friend of mine lost someone very close to her many years ago and every year she posts the eulogy she gave at the service. I always thought this was a nice way to share a very special day with people that care about you, and about the person you lost that day. Below is what I wrote and read at my Mother's funeral.

One of my Mom’s greatest gifts to me was that she taught me how to dream. She taught me how to let my mind go to places where ANYTHING is possible. To be a pilot, an explorer, a CEO or to run away and join the circus, there were no limits on where your mind could go when you dream.

As early back as I can remember, we would talk about dreams and how important it was to have them. From her I’ve leaned the value in being quiet, because it’s during these times of solitude you let your mind go and explore a universe of possibilities. Sometimes when my mind came back, it would bring all these crazy ideas with it… I would always call her and say “Mom.. I got an idea…”. She never laughed at the absurdness of where my imagination went, or shut down even the stupidest of ideas. She never once told me that they wouldn’t happen, no matter how impossible or ridiculous they seemed. She just simply listened.

Once I learned to dream, it seemed to be her life’s purpose to teach me everything I needed to make those dreams come true. Perseverance, dedication, patience, a little planning and lot of hard work, and I KNOW that there isn’t anything that I can’t do.

She told me once that the most significant piece of wisdom she could share is that I, and no one else is the master of my own destiny. That my life is what I determine it will be. She said that every time I make a choice, I am laying another stone in the pathway of my journey. At anytime I didn’t like where that path was headed, I just had to make another choice, and change the direction.

There is no other way I’ve ever known then to know this.

It’s only been in recent years that I’ve discovered that some people can’t make their own choices. Fear controls so much in our lives. Fear of failure, of making the wrong choice, or fear of what others will think/say of the choices we make for ourselves. It’s because of my Mom that I do not live in fear. I am not afraid of anything. I know whatever “life’s little challenges” (she would call them) comes my way, I can face them with confidence, certainty and without fear of the unknown.

It was Mom’s gift to all of us, to have faith and believe in us, and give us the courage to become the people we have the potential to be. Everything I am, I owe to her.

Because of her patience, understanding, acceptance of peoples differences, calmness and empathy for others, I understand the meaning of being kind.

Because of every package I received, intricately wrapped and prepared with care, every card, letter or note she sent for absolutely no reason at all, I understand what it means to be thoughtful. 

Because of every example she set, and her ability to see a lesson in every challenge, I understand the meaning of a mentor. 

It was because of her unwavering optimism, that I have faith in the good in the world. 

Because of your beauty, grace, strength, ability to comfort, console, love and be loved, that I appreciate and enjoy the gifts in being a woman. 

Because of you, I know the value of a day, the power in laughter and magic of a smile.

Taking Stock

The past year for me has been about self-reflection and discovery. I've read a number of fantastic books and started following some incredible blogs written by people that inspire, motivate and provoke.

In "The Happiness Project" (Gretchen Ruben) I learned that it's ok to just Be Sarah. To make no apologies for the way I feel and to stop feeling guilty about not being someone that I think sometimes I should be. For example, I've stopped feeling like a loser for not wanting to go out (dancing, dinners, clubs, parties), and have embraced the happiness that a good book and a cozy blanket brings me. I honed in on some very simple things in life that make me very happy and have learned to amplify those elements in my life, like early mornings and routine. I love them both. I love having structure in my life and have built a routine around getting up early to enjoy my most favourite part of the day.

Outliers (Malcom Gladwell) showed me behind every great success is a series of great opportunity (plus 10,000 hours of hard work). He illustrates how small opportunities are available everyday, everywhere you look, but you must be willing to take action when you find them.

Smart Women Finish Rich (David Bach) gave me an understanding of personal finances plus the confidence and know-how to continue on my path to financial freedom.

Some of my favourite reading though is with the blogs I follow. Generally they are written by people with similar lifestyle goals and they write about their experiences on the path to achieving them. Alternatively , they are written by people who have already made an incredible life for themselves by unconventional means and write from more of a "how-to" perspective.

With all these resources, I've been able to paint a very clear picture of what I envision my life to be like and I have re-defined what I consider "success" . However, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all at the moment. I've got the knowledge, direction and permission (from myself) to live the life I want, but I still feel like something key is missing.

I have learned that I have the freedom to make my own choices. The freedom to set my own standard. The freedom to be as successful as I want to be.

I have all the tools, but I don't know what to build. Can you have too much of a good thing?

Many of the blogs and books I read are about how to live an unconventional life. This is a life without the confines of a conventional job and making your own rules to live your very own life. A life where you question your beliefs (to make sure they are truly yours) and challenge the status quo. A life refusing to be average.

I believe in all these things and I am working everyday towards creating a remarkable life for myself, but within all this advice, support, motivation and "ra-ra-screw-conventionalisum " I've found some conflict internally.

Looking for work: There are millions of people happy being employed by major corporations and are happy to leave their work at the office when they punch out at 5pm everyday, I don't believe I will be one of them. I don't want to become someone that works 40+ hours a week for 10 hours of productivity all for the benefit of someone else. I don't want my hard work and valuable time to get lost inside a corporate machine that doesn't appreciate either. So where does that leave me? Self-employment? What if I don't have a business plan? Or even a business idea? What if I haven't thought of a concept for my book yet? Is being a problogger something I should consider? And what if deep down I don't really want the responsibility of working for myself?

After much turmoil I realized I had just answered my own question. I don't really want the responsibility of working for myself. I finally came to that conclusion last night and immediately I applied my Happiness Project lessons and accepted that this is how I feel, and I need not apologize or feel guilty about it. There must be a middle ground.

With the relief that that decision brought, I took stock of a few other realities.

While I include traveling as an important part of my life, I have no interest in becoming location independent or escaping to a year long trip around the world. I will continue to explore the world in small savoury bites. I love where I live and will concentrating on making my life here something I don't need to escape from.

I also appreciate and understand the concept of minimalist living, but I have no intention of limiting my possessions to under 100 things, or selling all the furniture in my house except for a chair and yoga mat that I use for meditation. I have sold, given away or donated what I don't need or use regularly. I have de-cluttered and downsized and have seen how those actions can translate into taking control of what else you invite or dismiss from your life. Mass consumerism disappoints me and I think we all could benefit from a lesson in minimalism, especially when it comes to spending time on each other instead of money. However, with that said, I still look forward to buying a home and with an income secured, one of the first things I want is to upgrade my 1998 Honda with a newer more comfortable model (that's within my budget and is more fuel efficient). I won't win any points with the minimalist out there with that one... but hey, you can't please everyone.

Taking stock of how we really feel about something can bring real relief. Sometimes we get stuck and lose our forward momentum because something we think we want isn't really what we want.

Maybe John was onto something when he said "..and the truth shall set you free".

Have you ever come to terms about something you thought you wanted but were really just following a trend?

With small actions comes great reward

I'm a self-described city girl. I have always lived downtown or close to downtown on a main street in a vibrant area. I like the energy, diversity, culture and people watching that comes with a busy neighbourhood. I always found some form of motivation or inspiration in the changing scenery of my downtown corner coffee shop by the seawall. I could hang out there for hours just letting my mind wonder as runners ran, cyclist cycled and before I finished my first latte, I'd hear conversation in three different languages pass by. The noise from beeping crosswalks, trucks backing up, buses stopping, sirens or the inevitable "disagreement" between an otherwise (I'm sure) lovely couple outside my window at 3am was never something I considered changing. It was all part-and-parcle.

I also started riding horses around the age of 9 and since then have spent many days, nights and weekends in a barn in the country. I clean stalls, scrub buckets, toss hay bales, fix fencing, lift heavy equipment and haul hoses. And oh yeah, I can drive a pick up truck towing a horse trailer and park it anywhere you need it.

I love having that kind of diversity a part of me.

But I hung up my chaps in 2003 after a couple of years working with members of the Canadian Equestrian Team. I travelled with them all over eastern Canada in the summer and spent the winters showing/training in south Florida. It was the first job I ever had that I really loved. We worked like dogs everyday of the week, and even though my gas and rent (or hotel when on the road) was covered, I think I only made $350 a week. Good thing I never had any time to spend it.

At some point, I got worn out and run down. Even though this was a job I loved entirely, eventually I decided that it was time for me to leave Montreal and "get a real job". 

Fast forward eight years.

I recently brought horses back into my life. After Ironman and six weeks of travel, I found myself a bit passionless (momentarily). I thought about riding again but didn't know where to start. I didn't know anyone in the horse world anymore, I had no contacts or horse network to get me started. And without an income, I certainly didn't have a budget to just buy a horse of my own.

I googled "horse riding, Langley".

That's all it took to get me started. After that, I found the barn that had what I was looking for and as it turned out, the barn was looking for me too. I took a lesson with a woman who coincidentally was looking for someone to ride her horse over the winter while she's in California. I turned out to be that someone and now I'm riding a few times a week.

Having left the barn in 2003 and not really being back in the saddle since, I had no idea how much I had been missing it. I look forward to my time at the barn every week. I love the quiet of the country and smell of winter air. I love the paddocks filled with horses and how my horse whinnies when he recognizes my voice. I love the cold air and the freezing finger tips. I love the warm blankets I pile on my horse to make sure he's well kept when I'm gone. I love dumping the dirty water buckets and hauling the refilled fresh ones down the aisles (even when I end up wearing most of it). I love the sound of opening grain bags. I love coming home still smelling like hay and wood shavings.

Bringing horses back into my life very well could have been something that stayed on my "someday" list for a very long time had I not done a simple Google search. It was that tiny step that lead me to such great reward.

I don't think that the riding I'm doing now is going to be life changing (but who knows), but it got me thinking about small decisions I've made in the past that lead to huge monumental events.

Looking back, I can point out a few significant events that ended up being momentous turning points in my life. For me, leaving the horses and getting my first office job in Toronto was one. Deciding to move across Canada to Vancouver on my own was another. Quitting my job with a booming young software company without a new job secured. My experience with the Olympic games. Completing the Ironman.  My first marathon in Honolulu HI. All these things brought new opportunity and change the course of my life. Each one was incredibly difficult, scary or seemingly impossible at the time, but how different my life would be if I hadn't had the courage to make these decisions.

*Leaving the horses to come back to Toronto was the first huge decision I made on my own. I remember crying over it as I told my bosses that I was leaving. I had always loved that job and the people I worked for so I was sad to say goodbye, but that's not why I was so upset. The truth was that I was terrified that I didn't know what was coming next or that I was making the right move.*

What I love about these events, is that for the most part, I can remember the day, even the moment, I decided to make them happen. These are defining moments that in a blink, can change your life. The thing about defining moments is that they themselves are not the monumental event. They are tiny. They are daydreams and small actions.

It was a morning in Florida and I was cleaning a stall when I decided I'd had enough of the horse life. I was exhausted and I was standing ankle high in horse s*#t.

My Mom told me about her friend Rudy who was running his 4th half marathon in Iceland and I decided then that if he (at the age of 50) could do it, so could I. Shortly after, (with zero running experience) I registered for the Honolulu marathon.

I was on a bus going to Mt. Tremblant in Quebec for a ski weekend with friends, and the girl behind me was reading Triathlon Magazine. I spoke with her about my marathon and she told me she was training for the Ironman. I thought only professional athletes did the Ironman, but she was just a normal girl. Before I got off that bus, I had decided that I too, would complete the Ironman.

Every huge milestone or event in our lives starts with a defining moment. It's just a tiny little moment. But it must be followed with a small action that seals the deal. A phone call, a conversation with a stranger, a (course or race) registration or just a google search... It all starts somewhere.

If your goals or dreams or passions seem overwhelming and too big to digest today, that's ok. You don't have to run the marathon tomorrow, or pack your bags to move to Italy by the weekend, or be the CEO of your own company right now. But you must take action.

Everyday daydreams about the impossible fill our thoughts and opportunities cross our paths in droves. All we need to do is reach out and grab one!

What were some of the monumental events in your life? 
Do you remember the defining moment that started it all?

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do - John Wooden

Looking ahead at 2011: The year of ACTION

I did a lot of reflecting in 2010, a lot of planning, reading, realizing, visioning and that's what made it the year of discovery for me. Looking ahead at 2011, I want to take all that discovery and turn in into action.

As the second part of my annual review, I set out some goals which will help define where I'm headed in the next 365 days. The trick to setting goals is to be very specific. None of this "I'm going to start exercising more" wishy-washy stuff. If your goal is to exercise "more" be specific about it. If you want to make "more" money, get specific about how much money you want to be earning next year.

I will get 30min of exercise 4 times a week. 
I will earn $xxx in 2011

That's just the first step. Then you have to identify at least one action you can do right now to take a step towards your goal. It might look like this:

I will look online for my local running groups schedule and find out when the next session is. 
I will gather my facts and prepare for a meeting with my boss to discuss a pay raise. 
I will create a plan for my small business that will earn $xxx a month to supplement my income.

The final step is to set a deadline. Do this so that you can check in on your progress on a monthly or quarterly basis depending on how quickly you want to achieve this goal. Be realistic. If your goal is to loose 20 lbs, don't set your deadline for Feb 1. You likely will not meet that target (it wouldn't be healthy to) and you will get frustrated and feel unsuccessful. Same thing with any goal. If you want to save for a downpayment on a home, set your target at something your budget will allow. Check in every quarter and see your progress all the way through the year.

I will loose 3lbs a month and keep it off. - Deadline: July 1/11
I will put $250 a month into my "home fund" - Deadline: April 15, August 15, December 15/11
I will create a career path with my boss that will include increased pay and have me reach my income targets by November 1/11 

If you're new to goal setting it can be an uncomfortable process to go through. It seems that whatever your new goal is, immediately there are obstacles that stop you. You don't have gym clothes, or running shoes. You can't afford a gym membership. Your boss is a big jerk. You have no extra money to put away to save etc. etc. etc.

You tell me your goal, and I will find 10 reasons why you CAN'T do it. That's the easy part. There are a hundred reasons why you can't, shouldn't, or why you should just do it later. Your job is to find how you CAN do it and how you can start today.  The brickwalls (obstacles) remind me of a Randy Pausch quote:

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out, they are there to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people"

I mentioned in my Annual Review post that this year I've taken my goal setting to a whole new level. This year, I've created categories to help become very specific about each one. If you want to get serious about your goals this year too, I suggest breaking them down in a similar fashion. You can use the same categories I did, or create your own.

Career:
I've looked at a few different possible directions for my career path over the last nine months. I've painted the perfect picture of my ideal work day and gotten specific about what I want and don't want my days to include. I've discovered that I don't want a "job". I don't like the idea of going to and from a cubical everyday and working inside a forever churning machine where the work has no end and where the only reward I get is my paycheque, two weeks of vacation and a benefits package. Some may think that security sounds appealing, but it makes me quiver. What I want is work. A project. I want something I can watch come together, something that is created out of my efforts, dedication and long hours. I want something that once it's built, I can be proud of it.

I gave great consideration to self-employment this year as well. I thought about seizing the opportunity of unemployment to start taking writing seriously. Start thinking about writing my book or putting in the effort into making my small business grow into something sustainable that I might be able to live off. While all of that came with many pros and cons, I weighed my fears against my goals and I've decided two things; one, I'm not quiet ready for that type of commitment to independence, and two, to achieve some of my other goals (home ownership and travel) I will need a regular income that I can rely on. And so, I came to my first goal of 2011.

In 2011 I will find meaningful and rewarding work that I enjoy, challenges me and provides me with new opportunity while helping me achieve my goals. 

Friends and Family
This year was particularly difficult in this category and I relied heavily on my friends and family many times throughout the year. I was surprised (although I don't know why) at how my family united and came together so closely during such hard times. They were incredible. I realized how much love surrounds me and how lucky I am to have such great examples of what family really means. 


I consider my closest friends family as well. Since my Dad, sisters, aunts and uncles live so far away, it's my friends that I have close to me during holidays, special occasions and they are who I turn to when days are tough and I need someone to talk to. They mean the world to me and I am so grateful for them.


In 2011 I will be a better friend and be closer to my family. I will call often, I will not wait until I need something, I will not miss birthdays or special occasions (I'll at least send a card). I will tell them I love them and how much I appreciate them. I will remember to put them first, because I know, that they were there when I needed them and they always will be. 


Health
I have ongoing issues with my back. Issues that take me out of the game and immobilize me until I rest enough to get back on my feet. Every time this happens (which used to be few and far between but happened twice this year), I'm like a teenager who's just removed the entire contents of her stomach praying to the porcelain God and mumbling "I will..never.. drink.. again..".

I lay on the couch, or on the hardwood floor, or bent over the kitchen counter in mind numbing, eyeball twitching pain and swear to whatever God will listen "If you make this pain go away, I will go to yoga everyday. I will see whatever therapist you want. I will make that appointment with the specialist. I will learn to walk on my hands if that's what it takes... anything... PLEASE!"

And in a week or so, the pain subsides so I can walk and I do a few stretches and take it easy for a few days. Then when all is well, I completely forget about the pleas and promises I made just a few days earlier. And so, I have chronic back pain. Everyday. And I do nothing about it. I live with it. I walk around like an 80 year old woman who can't stand up straight, pick up anything heavy or do any kind of impact activity like tobogganing or tubing (on snow or water). I can't risk falling or taking any kind of jolt where my spine might just give up and hate me forever. Alright, I'm overemphasizing the last bit, but you get the point.

In 2011 I will take care of my back. I will strengthen my core and stretch my back, hamstrings and glutes through regular yoga classes. I will make an appointment with my family doctor and get a referral to a physical therapist who will work with me over the long-term care and pre-habilitation of my spine.

Travel
I set a five year goal in 2010 to see the world. I said I would visit one new continent a year and over the next five years, I will have been to all 7 continents. I realized this isn't exactly seeing all of the world, but it's a good start.

This year I crossed Asia off my list when I spent 6 weeks in Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. I haven't made up my mind about 2011 but it will either be Australia or Africa. Destination to be determined.

In 2011 I will see a country I have not been to. I will visit another of the 4 continents I have not been on. I will start researching the costs of different destinations what I would want to see while I was there.

Community
I really like the idea of volunteering. I did quite a bit this summer either with committees or events and it's a great way to gain experience, give back to your community and add value to your skill set (without having to get a new job or go back to school).

This year I have already committed to being on a committee with a local triathlon organization. Triathlon gave me so much over the years that I really enjoy when I am able to give back.

I will also be leading the 2011 Powered By Noie team for The Ride To Conquer Cancer. This year we want to be at least 10 riders strong and we're already 8. We also have a team in Ontario and the interest for a team in Alberta. Together, we can raise over $40,000 for the fight against cancer.

Click here if you want to join our team! Just ask me for the password

In 2011 I will be a leader for the Powered By Noie team. I will stay focused on our goal of raising $30,000 (BC). I will stay motivated and inspire others to achieve their goals. I will stay organized and host one group destination ride for the whole team every month. 

Writing
I really enjoy blogging. I find writing to be therapeutic and I love the feedback I get from my readers / followers. I also enjoy what I get from the blogging community. I have found a few great blogs that I follow regularly and each of them present a perspective that I find refreshing or inspiring. Chris and his Non-Conformist approach, Katy and her minimalist life, Leo and his Zen-ness and all the interesting links / articles those point me to.

In 2011 I will update the look of my blog and find it a new home on another hosting site (don't worry, I'll leave a forwarding address).  I'll create a community of readers that post comments and share their own insight on the post of the day. I will write two posts a week and aim to inspire, entertain, give perspective and share my experiences on my approach to being remarkable. To achieve all this - I will have to live a life worth writing about. 

Not included in this post are a goals in the categories of Finance, Personal Development and Relationship. These are quite personal and I will keep for myself, but I mention it so that you might consider your goals in those areas of your own life.

Good luck with your goal setting for 2011. Remember to make them SMART.

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time associated (deadline)

What are your biggest goals for 2011?

Annual Review: 2010 the year of discovery

I love New Years, and it has nothing to do with champagne popping and kissing at midnight. In fact, to be honest, I've missed the last couple of midnight countdowns passing up the hang over and opting to start the first day of the new year fresh with an early morning and exercise outdoors with friends.

There is one New Years tradition that I don't pass up however and that's setting goals for the year to come. I started writing out my goals in 2006 in what's become known to me as "The List". This was a very simple list I scratched out on a piece of paper and kept tucked into the front of my training journal. It became an important part of my motivation to complete the Honolulu marathon as I wrote it on my hand to remind me of all the things to come in my life after I finished those 42.2 kilometres.

Simple, it worked and it started my belief in writing out my goals.

Since then, my goal setting has become a bit more refined. Last year, I set another 5 Year Goal seeing that my 2005 five year goal was expiring (and realizing) this year. Throughout the year I use my dreamboard and other sources for motivation, but I have figured out the best way to realize your goals is to write them out.

This year, I've taken my goal setting a step further and created something more tangible to refer back to throughout the year. Over the last week or so, I've been conducting my own personal annual review. The process is not original, but it's something that made sense to me and because I am dedicated to a life of purpose and intent, there seems to be no better way than to be direct and specific about your goals.

The details of the review are somewhat personal so there are pieces I've kept private, but I'd like to share some of the process that I found helpful.

I started with asking two simple questions:

What went well in 2010?
What didn't go so well in 2010?

What went well:
2010 was a very big year with a lot to review, but what stands out immediately is that I had Anthony to stand by me through all of it. He's been a warm addition to my life and I am thankful to have him in it. We celebrated our first anniversary in October, although I was somewhere in Thailand and he was at home worried about me. I sent a nice "happy anniversary" email to put his mind at ease :)

Being unemployed for the better part of the year was also a special experience. I used the time wisely to commit to myself and to serve as time of self-reflection. During this time I discovered a lot about myself, what motivates me, what makes me happy, what makes me proud, what fulfills me, what I envision my future to be like (and got into a detail painting that picture). I also came to terms with aspects of what makes me, me, and accepted the good with the bad (or what I think others will perceive as "bad"). I've discovered that inspiring others to achieve their goals is what makes me happy. I'm also learning to not be so hard on myself and accept the best that I can do as being AWESOME and I am still celebrating everyday successes.

In June, my best friend Kierstie and I completed The Ride To Conquer Cancer. We raised over $6,300 in just 11 weeks. Our team, Powered By Noie has grown to 9 riders in BC, 2 in Ontario and the interest of 2 in Alberta for the 2011 ride. This was definitely something that I am proud of and something that went well in 2010.

A highlight of 2010 for me of course was becoming an Ironman. This closed a chapter for me but also served as the beginning of something new. For me, Ironman was about the journey and through the years of training I faced some of the most challenging obstacles and learned incredible lessons about the strength to endure. I also found motivation in this quote from Muhammad Ali.

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ''Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."


It's not true about hating the training, but it does speak to my Ironman purpose.

After Ironman I took 6 weeks to travel through South East Asia (Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia). This was not only a great reward for my huge accomplishment, but was also a part of my new 5 year goal to see the world.

Late in 2010 I started a small business with Anthony called MANBASKET. The concept came to us only weeks before Christmas so where it stands today is very much a work in progress. However, it's already taught me some valuable lessons and generated a small income. I plan to continue developing that business into 2011.

Finally, I took a great interest in my financial future this year and am reaping the rewards of that. This was not something that came easily, I had to put forth an effort to get that part of my life organized, and it wasn't all fun and games, but in the end, the reward is confidence, security and empowerment.

What didn't go so well:


2010 had a pretty rough and unpredicted start for me. But I didn't let that set the tone for the year. I converted my sadness into energy and let that propel me forward. I was more determined than ever to live a life full of love, intent and purpose.

The annual review however should not include things that I could neither control or avoid so I can't really add this to my "what didn't go well" list.

Thankfully, what didn't go well is a much shorter list that what did go well.

Technically I had only three months of employment in 2010. One of which was for the most part spent addressing the passing of mother in January and February/March were some of the most stressful, odd, chaotic and blurred weeks I'd had in my 1.5 years with the Olympic Games. I'd love to have put my Olympic experience on the "went well" list, but if I'm being honest, it wasn't. If this were the 2009 review, it would have been number 1 - a job I loved and a hundred reasons for loving it. But the two months that made up my "Olympic experience" were somewhat tainted. I learned some invaluable lessons from that time, but I'll leave it at that.

My health was an ongoing issue in 2010 aswell. I have various back injuries ranging from a broken tailbone, a spinal cyst and a herniated disc that date back over ten years now. I've learned to manage the chronic pain, but occasionally I re-injure myself and can find myself immobilized or hospitalized. With proper care, it rarely gets to that point, but this year I found myself down and out twice. It's the most painful and scary situation to find yourself in and each time I swear I will do whatever it takes to avoid this ever happening again. When the pain is gone, I carry on as usual. What I need to do is prioritize my ongoing back health an take care of it even when I'm not in major trouble.

There are a few other things that did not go well in 2010, but as I mentioned earlier, they are a bit personal and I'm not here to air any dirty laundry. What I will say is that with everything that did not go well this year, there are great lessons to be learned.

For me, 2010 was a year of discovery. I tried to keep my eyes wide open and learn the lesson in every challenge. Most importantly, I learn celebrate every success that I had.

The annual review doesn't end here. There are goals to set and obstacles to plan to overcome, but that's for the next post.

What were some of your highlights of 2010? 
What were some of your challenges?

My HUGE Financial Reward

It's not what you think. I didn't win the lottery, win big in Vegas or return someone's lost precious puppy. I took an interest in my financial future, got serious about my budget and in return am reaping the rewards.

I have been unemployed since April of 2010. Thankfully, this wasn't a surprise and I had over a year and a half to prepare for living on a fixed income. I saved my pennies vigilantly since knowing that once my contract ended I would be taking the summer off to train for Ironman, enjoy some downtime and reward myself with some long awaited overseas traveling. In order to have this plan come to fruition I needed to have a plan. More importantly, I needed to have a plan I could stick to. Enter Gail Van-Oxlade.

You know who she is. She's the doctor of debt who makes house calls on Slices' Til Debt Do Us Part. Since I had a lot of time on my hands to watch daytime TV, I decided I would give her famous "money jars" a go. I went to her website and downloaded the super simple Interactive Budget Worksheet. Starting here, I plugged in all my co-ordinates and set out to the bank to fill each of my 5 money jars.

For three months straight I spent only cash, using my credit card only for reservations or purchases only available online (like airline tickets - and I immediately paid for them after buying), I wrote everything down in my "budget binder" and did weekly reconciliation's to see where I was overspending and where I could save.

I STRONGLY recommend anyone looking to get out of debt, save money or get their spending under control do this even if just for one month. It was such a strong tool that my spending habits changed dramatically and immediately. If you have ever done a 'food diary' for the purposes of losing a few pounds, this works exactly the same way. Writing down everything you spend makes you accountable for where your money goes. At the end of a week, when you notice that $35 went to Starbucks latte's, cinnamon sticks and the occasional chocolate chip banana bread, it's a great reality check. Similar to the food diary, you begin to change your habits simply because you don't want the shame of having to write it in your budget binder. When I saw a sale on shoes or (more difficult) another awesome cycling jersey, I knew exactly what I would tell myself in a few days when reviewing the week's spending. "Seriously? You spent $80 on yet another [INSERT VARIOUS ITEMS HERE]. That $80 could buy you three days of travelling in Asia." That was relevant to me at the time, but I'm sure you have something that could relate.

It's not to say I never went over budget or bought things I didn't need. But at least I was VERY aware of how much over budget I was, and was doing so willingly. When you don't know how much money you have to spend to begin with, you don't know when you've spent it all.

I've stopped using the money jars, but the principles and lessons are still with me. I've been debt free and saving money consistently even as I'm unemployed and on a very fixed income.

My curiosity in my finances didn't stop there. I figured that if I could be in this much control of my spending, I must be capable of more. So I continued to be interested in my financial future and made an appointment with my banks financial advisor to talk about my RSP's and some other savings that I had. He was happy to talk to me about all kinds of securities, registered and non-registered accounts, tax deductions and high interest something rathers.... it was all too much for me at the time, I didn't really get much out of it except that now I know that there's a lot I don't know. 


Fast forward a few months and my "living within my means" lifestyle is still keeping me debt free and I no longer miss the expensive take-out sushi and I haven't even noticed that I haven't bought new shoes or pair of jeans in months. I'm much happier not receiving a visa bill. I do however, continue my interest in a financially responsible future by reading books like "Smart Women Finish Rich" and even though it's not as exciting and the last  edition in the Twilight saga ( I read that too), it's been exciting in it's own right. More than ever, I'm confident and feel prepared to ask the right questions when it comes time to address where my money is and what it should be doing to work for me. Half way through the book I made another appointment with that same financial advisor that confused me months ago and after spending two hours talking to him about all the same things that I now understand, I have a sense of independence and empowerment that only came by me taking a genuine interest in myself and my future. 


I've finished the book now and because I found it so valuable, I wanted to skim through it again and highlight some of the key lessons that stood out for me. I figured I would share them here since I'm in also the midst of conducting my own annual review and this might just add to it.

Chapter One: The facts and myths about your money
- You do not need to make more money. You need to better manage the money you have.
- Know WHERE your money is. Debt? Assets? Mutual Funds? RSP's? Cash? Bonds?

Chapter Two: Put your money where your values are
- Ask yourself "What is important about money to you?"
My answers were:
- Money gives me the ability to make my own choices. It gives me options.
- Having my own money gives me control over my life
- Money gives me the ability to fill my live with my own ambitions
- Having money gives me peace of mind

Understanding why money is important to you helps your decisions on where you spend it.

Chapter Three: Figure out where you are and where you want to go
- Find your "stuff" and get organized. Tax returns, retirement account statements, checking and savings accounts, other investments, credit card statements, mortgage material, major liabilities (car loans), insurance documents (home owners, renters, life insurance etc) and will's and life trusts.
- Online banking makes gathering this information very easy, but it's important to at minimum review where all this material (as applies to you) is and keep it organized.

WRITE OUT YOUR FINANCIAL GOALS. And add to that something you can do NOW to take steps toward that goal.

Again and again I see this tool being promoted/suggested and I (too) swear by it. It works. Do it.

*at this point in the book one of my goals that I wrote down was to be more educated in investments (mutual funds, RSP's etc). Before the end of the book, I had re-visited my FA and (as mentioned above) am reaping the rewards of that meeting). Until this review, I had forgotten that it was one of the goals I had written down. It's s powerful tool. Do it. 


Chapter four: Getting real about what you spend. 
- Helpful review of the budgeting lessons I learned earlier this year with the money jars.

Chapter five: Not putting all your eggs in one basket
- The super boring but necessary educating part about preparing for emergencies, retirement and other very grown up stuff. This is where I went back to see my FA and what was previously "pre-tax/ rate-of-return/ moderately aggressive vs conservative"  mumbo-jumbo investment stuff finally made sense. Repetition works well with me.

Chapter six: Following the 12 Commandments to attracting greater wealth
- Getting paid what your worth and knowing what that is.
This book ending with these commandments was the perfect segway into my next read which has been patiently waiting on my nightstand. Linchpin by Seth Godin.

There were so many lessons I learned financially this year, but it all started by TAKING AN INTEREST in myself and my financial responsibility. You can hear the same thing over and over or get advice from the best and brightest advisors on the planet, but if you're not interested in yourself, it's not worth a damn.

It was really helpful for me to re-write some of these lessons, so thanks for taking the time to read them if you made it all the way through.

Stay tuned for my annual review which takes into account lessons learned beyond my finances.

Operation Re-Connect

I have 261 friends. At least that's what Facebook tells me. Somehow that's hard to believe. If I have that many friends, how come when I throw a party I'm always scared no one will show up? I have 261 friends!

Now, I also have friends that have upwards of 500, 600, 700+ friends. Where does that put me on the popularity scale? I think 261 would fill a room nicely should I die and they all show up to pay their respects, however, it makes me a hermit compared to the guy that has 976 friends. Should I feel bad about this? Is this an indication that my years of focused Ironman training and declined RSVP'ing to dinners, bars, parties, weekends away (and on and on) have resulted in social suicide? Considering that of my 261 friends, I have maybe three that I speak to regularly (one of which I live with), I think having 261 friends is quite the success.

I wonder about those that have say 700+ friends. What do you do with them all? I have maybe a night or two out a week visiting various friends in varying social groups and I still haven't seen (I'd say) a majority of my friends in a dogs age. I'm a bad friend maybe? How do you keep up with 700 or more friends?

Then I started thinking, as with my recent efforts to de-clutter my life, it's time I started choosing quality over quantity when it comes to my relationships as well. It always struck me as odd when people would make a friend request via Facebook and then never follow up with as much as a "Hey.. How've ya been the last 10 years?" Sure it's fun to Facebook creep through their photos, but after the initial peruse through, you never really go back. I just think it's weird that even though we had enough interest in each other to connect, the effort / interest stops there.

Enter Operation: Re-Connect.

I've decided that I'm going to attempt to befriend (or re-friend) all my 261 friends. Some times I see their photos up in the side bars so I click on it, see what they've been up to, then send a message saying hello, or congratulations or "what's that all about?"or "do you know of a good real estate agent" or in one case "how do you get your body to twist like that?"... whatever might strike a conversation and result in at least one return message.

It's a very simple concept, although there are a few rules and qualification clarities to make:

- If you haven't spoken to them in more than two months, they qualify for Op: ReCon. Send them a message.
- Family must be contacted by phone. They're family. Seriously, pick up the phone.
- If you don't recognize them or have any idea how you know them, remove them from your friends list.
- If after much thought and several message drafts you can't think of one thing you would say to this person. Remove them.

So far, I've re-connected with a friend that finished the New York City marathon this year. A friend whom I haven't spoken to since grade 8 who just moved into the house across the street from the house I lived in at that time. Her new house in which I use to babysit the kids that lived there. I had a three or four time return convo going with someone now living in India and how life is so different for him now. I got an invite to stay with friends in England should I ever be on that side of the pond, plus some awesome advice about trails and new adventures to seek right here in my own BC backyard.

So far I've re-connected with 17 of my 261 friends. That only includes those that I have initiated conversation with (of people haven't spoken to in more than two months) and I am going to try and re-connect with all 261 of my friends before my birthday in March. There's no particular reason for that date, it's just that every goal needs a deadline and that one seems to be reasonable and one that I won't forget.

I'll try to send 3 messages a day (on average) which should get me to my goal on March 6th (depending on how my total number of friends fluctuates up or down). So either by randomly clicking on some one's status via the news feed, photos that appear in the sidebar or just working alphabetically through my friends list, I hope to re-friend my friends one by one taking pride in my quality 261 friends.

Never again will I introduce myself to someone at a party only to hear the response "uh.. yeah, I'm *Becky... we're friends on Facebook.."



*Some names may have been changed to protect individuals involved.

Knowing What Your Looking For

Today I read a blog post on ANOC that reminded me to always be thinking about a few very important things. While the list wasn't long, it was significant. Check it out if you have a minute.

Things like dreams, influences, relationships and passions are all things I think of regularly and I try to  nurture them, re-visit and rejuvenate them as often as necessary. But there was something else that resonated with me today and that was "destinations".

"Because you need to know where are you going, whether it’s a real destination or a representative one. (If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else.)"

So I started to think about where it was that I was going and it brought me back to a Work / Life career workshop that I participated in while I was working for the Games. Not having any clue what it was all about at the time, I can say it was one of the best thing I ever did for myself. I ruffled through some filing and found the workshop booklet that we used. I kept it because I found the exercises that the hosting life-coach had us do were THAT valuable.

We started with some simple exercises that included writing out your strengths and skill sets, identifying where you've succeed in your current or past roles and what it is about your position that you really like or dislike.

We also were asked to think about a "pivotal" moment in our lives, or more simply, a time when we were the most happy, felt alive and were excited.  Remembering that time, we wrote out all things associated with it.

• What was the experience?
• What were you doing?
• Who was there?
• Why did it make you feel so alive?

Identifying the contributing 'good-time' elements helped us move forward to what, in my opinion, was the most valuable exercise of the day. 

We identified, and wrote in detail, our vision of an ideal working environment. We listed everything from what time you start in the morning, how you get to work, where you are, who you work with, what are you wearing and so on. We tried to be as specific as possible.

Here's what my list looked like:

- I start early in the morning when there are only a few people around.
- My day is full and requires some logistical planning and scheduling to make sure my time is used    efficiently
- I have an office to go to, but I am not there all the time (work from home or various work sites)
- I dress professionally, but casually
- I work with people I respect
- I work on time sensitive projects
- My projects have a beginning and an end
- I am responsible for my own schedule
- I work long hours and I am dedicated to my projects
- I am passionate about what I am doing, I believe in it's purpose
- I take work home with me, but have good work / life balance

So there it is, my perfect day. I still haven't found a 'job' that meets these requirements, but at least I know what I'm looking for and that is a HUGE relief. I'm also comfortable with the idea of not finding a "job" to fulfill these needs, but I might have to create the opportunity myself. But I know that by identifying these things, I am taking the first steps towards my ideal life and being at my happiest.

However, if you know what this job is that I'm describing..... email me! Kidding.... (sort of).

Not having found a way to make a living with these prerequisites yet doesn't worry me, and I'll tell you why.

Further into the booklet I found some questions and answers that made me grin ear to ear.  Below are some examples. Keep in mind this workshop was completed in summer of 2009.

Q: What do you want more of? What gives you energy? What do you want to say "yes" to?
A: Travel, new opportunity, relationships, exploring of new possibilities

Q: What do I really want? Who do I want to be? What will I achieve? What impact will I have?
A: I want to inspire others to be their greatest, I want to work on something I am proud of, I want to love someone and be loved by them back

Q: Identify one goal:
A: I'd like to do 3-5 weeks of traveling after the Games in 2010

Q: Identify steps you can take to achieve this goal:
A: Research Thailand and Cambodia (what to do there? How much? Where to go while there)

During this session, the life coach did a great job of getting our creative juices flowing. We were really dreaming and writing down things that we weren't completely sure we could do, but in a perfect world, we could have.

 Fast forward to winter 2010 and here's an update:

- I completed the Ironman (a five year goal) and had an overwhelming response from friends, family and new acquaintances about how inspiring my story was. Because of that, and my own experience, I'm working on a project that will help others achieve their extraordinary goals. The project will launch in January.. so stay tuned :)

- I moved in with my boyfriend whom I love dearly (and who loves me back:)

- Together we are building the foundations of a FANTASTIC new business

- I returned home from 6 weeks of traveling through South East Asia (Thailand, Cambodia & Vietnam)

This wasn't meant to be an opportunity to brag about my life, these where just a few highlights selected to make a point. The point is how valuable it can be to really make time and think about where it is you are going. Life isn't perfect and things come up, challenges surface and set backs occur, but like Randy Pausch said "you can always change the plan, but only if you have one."  

I use my DreamBoard now as a way to keep updating new things I want in my life. As life evolves, so do my priorities, my circumstances and my opinions. But if I want to keep defining my own success, I have to at least know what it will look like once I find it.

Change: The Groundwork for Opportunity

As a part of my effort to re-build momentum, there are a few blogs that I read regularly. Typically they are written by people that share my perspective on a meaningful, fulfilled life and in sharing their point-of-view they inspire and encourage me to continue pursuing the kind of life I want to live.

Katy, of The Single Supplement wrote a post about being "an agent for change" and the term really resinated with me. Katy and her sister Rachel, of The Minimalist Mom, are advocates in the world of minimalism and recently she wrote a post about presenting minimalism to the masses by "living a better life through small change". She wrote about how extreme changes can be overwhelming or to intimidating for most and instead called for action of small changes to the everyday. She called the effort "..change people can get behind".

I'm not quite on board with the whole minimalist movement, but the approach did get me thinking about my perspective on "change that people can get behind". I am a huge fan of change. We've become great friends over the years and I strongly believe that, while change can be the unapproachable, confrontational and awkward one in a room full of comfortable habits, routine and predictability, you really ought to give change a chance.

First of all, I understand that change is not easy. It makes us step outside our comfort zone and makes us uncomfortable for a while. It calls for an adaptation of our routine and a reshuffling of the things we're used to. When we change, it sometimes also creates the need for the people around us to change and, well, no one wants to create confusion or inconvenience for anyone else.

But like it or not, change is necessary. Earlier this week while driving around running errands a thought about change and it's relationship with opportunity came to me. This happens a lot while I drive, and I end up having to take voice notes so I don't lose my train of thought. Anyhow, here is the transcript of the message I left for myself:

"We must embrace change. We know that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the very definition of insanity. Our environment, our social circles, what we do for entertainment, our habits and routine. Doing the same thing day in and day out and expecting that something extraordinary will happen to us is insane.  We have to accept change in our life and get used to adapting to it. I'm talking about little changes. Start with where you get your morning coffee, the route or the method you take to get to work, once a week change up your working environment. Take your night out with friends to a place/restaurant/bar you've never been to. Make an effort to meet new friends or maybe re-connect with some old ones you haven't seen or spoke to in a while. I am not implying that these small changes will change your life or cause extraordinary things to happen to you, but it starts to break the mould of ordinary. Here's the thing, when opportunity comes knocking, it will ask you to change. It will ask you to make a decision that will likely create some kind of change in your life. If we are hesitant or resistant to change, opportunity will move on."

Back to minimalism for a moment. My favourite theme in the sphere of minimalism is the movement behind de-cluttering. This is a hot topic for me right now as I am still unpacking boxes from my move in August as me and my redhead attempt to merge our lives together. This has me constantly asking myself "where did I get all this stuff?!" and even more puzzling, "why do I still have it?!" It's incredible the things I've kept over the years and even more amazing that I've moved it from apartment to apartment (not to mention across the country). So it's time to de-clutter. I'm keeping only what I need and what I use, otherwise, EVERYTHING GOES. Well, this is the rule 90% of the time. I still make exceptions, but I'm trying hard to stick with the rule "if I haven't used it, worn it or needed it in the last year - gone-zo".

This is a great exercise to go through because de-cluttering is not about just getting rid of your things. It's about taking control of what you have in your life. It's living with less and making room for the things in your life that matter. Starting with the old t-shirts and college hoodies in your closet and moving to the CD's you haven't listened to since high school and the books that you never read (and likely never will). Eventually it'll be your budget you re-organize and attack your consumer debt. Then it's the wasted energy on other things that just take up space in your life, but really don't matter.

There are endless reasons why de-cluttering is a healthy exercise and just as many resources to guide you, but I won't get into it now. However, if you're like me and want to profit from lessening your life's load, sell your crap on ebay, list it on craigslist or send it to a consignment shop. You'd be surprised at the cash your crap will bring in. Seriously.

Anyhow, the point of all this was that welcoming change into our lives, even the small changes, helps us to become agile in a world where we can get used to the ordinary. We can get so stuck in our routines that change becomes so unattractive and uncomfortable that we avoid it at any cost. Author and poet Francis Bacon once said "a wise man will make more opportunities than he finds." I say, start by creating some change, see what kinds of opportunities come next.

I realize that I just wrote a post about routine and my need to involve that in my life as well, but there is room for both. You can welcome change in your life without completing disrupting your routine. Again, this is about small change. Change that everyone can get behind. Change even you can find room for.